I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
