i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
dude i'm inner monologue high
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
