I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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