You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My liver just had a heart attack.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
