It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
