Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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