Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
This house was built for laser tag.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
