really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
