I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
