there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
