I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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