Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
