Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
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