Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
