We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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