it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
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He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
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And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize