Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
i think my cat just said my name.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I am one with the molecules
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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