there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize