that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Randomize
