it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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