New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
