My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
