So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
