There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.