i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
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when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
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it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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