I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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