A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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