Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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