you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
