Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Success! We fucked roommates!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
