Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
