I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Randomize
