Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
