You're earring is so big in my mouth
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
not ubering you a puppy
Randomize
