I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
