Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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