I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
My ATM looks so different sober.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
