that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
