If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
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