you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
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That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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