we have pet lesbian snakes
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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