U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
