i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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