shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
