What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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