Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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