you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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