I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
