Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
When did angry sex become our thing?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
