so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
