Pants 0. Shit 1.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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