Just mADE A PArabola og urine
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
