eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
