At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
