I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
