just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
