Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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