but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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