Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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