There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
