Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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