just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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