Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
