then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
