I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
did you just send me my own nude
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT