I'm gonna have a badass scar
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
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you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
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he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.