john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it