dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are