you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
