used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.