I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail